she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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