They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
