it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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