in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
