mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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