i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
