Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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