Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
