so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
