Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
