I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize