Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
