dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
