she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
