I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
