3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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