just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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