respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
