Who wears a wallet chain?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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