I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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