i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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