is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i was born a porn star she said
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
