she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
