I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
