last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
