you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
