Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
