Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
