He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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