So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
