People with herpes should wear stickers.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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