ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
