I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
