Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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