I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
