Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize