I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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