Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize