everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
