I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I looked at my own cervix.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
