If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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