I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
