I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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