Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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