Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
