if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
