You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
