Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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