ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
