When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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