Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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