Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
