you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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