I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
