You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
