wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
