I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize
