My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize