Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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