didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Quick, to the slutcave!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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