Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
