Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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