oh god the rape fog is back!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
