Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
