he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I understand Curling. That high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
