She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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