return my video game
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize