Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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