if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
