I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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