Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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