Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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